Sister Sweatha

Before I came to Christ, I was clinically depressed. I am someone who had been through two suicide attempts, failing both times. I always tried my best to keep all my feelings hidden, I had become so skilled at it. I had no hope at all. It was as if I was an empty vessel, I was so lost, merely wandering through the days, wondering when they would end. I had times where all I would do is cry, nothing else but cry. Sometimes unable to function, I had good days and bad days. There was no reason for me to feel the way I did. I had a great family, a good home, great friends, I had everything I needed and wanted, but it was like it was never enough, I was always searching for something more, trying to fill what seemed like an unfillable hole. I thought money would solve all my problems, I tried to buy my happiness, constantly buying things, but instead I was just digging a deeper hole. 

A couple weeks after my second suicide attempt, I received an email asking me to come in for a job interview for a one-year placement that I had applied for a couple months earlier. I saved up my energy and managed to pull myself together for this interview, afterwards I was offered another job which I had accepted.  This one-year placement was an opportunity to hide from my problems, a form of avoidance.

On my first day I walked in and sat down in the waiting area, and next to me was at the time just some other guy who was also doing a placement. We introduced ourselves but little did I know he would later become my brother in Christ. He was a born again Christian and he spoke about Christ to me a lot. I am someone who completely rejected God, I was adamant He did not exist. At first, I was like ‘Who is this guy? Talking about God’ apparently I scoffed at him when I first found out he believed in God, but he was so sure in what he believed in, with all the questions I would ask, he never wavered in his faith. I could feel the peace and light emanating from him, it was so pure, and I wanted this for me. I started thinking what is this that someone can put all their trust and faith in and to be so at peace all at the same time. I became more and more curious. Where people always say ‘curiosity killed the cat’ this was not true for me, in my case curiosity saved me. He started asking me whether I wanted to come to fellowship, I was hesitant, putting it off each time he asked me. 

I finally decided I was going to come to fellowship, it was as if I felt within me, ‘this is it, your last chance, if you don’t go now, you’re never going’ so I took the leap and agreed to go to fellowship. I was terrified, I was going to be meeting all these new people, who apparently when I got there had already heard so much about me and were excited to see me. We sat down and one by one everyone had told me their testimonies of how they came to Christ. My Sister spoke to me about what they believed in, explained what fellowship was. 

It was now time for me to leave as I had somewhere to be, I hugged everyone and said my goodbyes. I went to hug my Sister, and this was where things took a turn. At first, I thought ‘hmm this is a long hug, why isn’t she letting go?’ Then suddenly she started speaking in tongues, now I was totally confused, I had no idea what was going on. Then everyone around us started singing, I couldn’t help but think ‘what have I gotten myself into?’. After a while I let go, I stopped thinking with my head, I just let go of my thoughts and I found myself clinging onto Sister, I couldn’t feel my legs, it was as if I was floating. I could hear and feel her heart beating a calm and steady beat, but it was so loud and clear. Suddenly I couldn’t breathe, it was as if something was blocking my airway. I panicked for a split second and then thought to myself ‘It’s fine sister is breathing, so she can breathe for the two of us!’ It was as if we had become one person. I just accepted what was happening and let it happen, I was still and just like that I exhaled, and an icy whirlwind was released from me. I was finally able to breathe. Slowly Sister put me down. I felt so weak I was trembling. However, I felt peaceful, as much as I was lost and confused, I was happy, but not just any kind of happiness, it was different, indescribable I felt pure. I had been delivered from the evil spirits of depression that were tormenting my life. It was as if the Lord came and wiped away my tears and continues to do so. 

This was the beginning of my journey in Christ. 

This doesn’t mean all my struggles stop here, I continue to struggle every day, joyfully, for I know “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13 NKJV)

I haven’t stopped smiling since, every day I give thanks to my saviour Jesus Christ, for only through His power could I have been saved.

​

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalms 34:18)

“For I, the LORD your God, will hold your right hand, Saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you.’ ” (Isaiah 41:13 NKJV)

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,” (II Corinthians 1:3 NKJV)